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As a manager or leader, have you ever found yourself reacting to something and then regretting how you handled it? It can be especially frustrating once you're aware of the pitfalls of reactive leadership and you’ve been working on changing that behavior.
You find when you plan for a situation, you can be very composed. But when something hits you by surprise, you find yourself right back to reacting the way you used to.
The good news is, once you're aware of your reactive behavior, we can change it! It takes a bit of focus and discipline, but it’s well worth the investment!
This topic came from one of our readers, Stan, who asked how to stop reacting to a couple of his direct reports. Stan shared with me that he has a team of seven sales reps in a fast-paced consumer electronics industry. Five out of the seven are great to manage. They take initiative and they always meet or beat their forecasts.
Two of his direct reports seem to push his buttons and although most of the time he can compose himself, there are occasions when he’s not prepared and something just sets him off, and he ends up scolding, yelling, and sometimes even swearing. He admitted that he didn’t want to react this way but he felt it almost impossible to control.
Well Stan, you’re right that it’s tough, because this kind of reaction is ingrained behavior that takes a bit longer to change. The best place to start is by looking inside to first understand why their behavior bothers you so much. This practice is called self-reflection, and it's essential for anyone in a leadership role.
Ask yourself:
What thoughts and beliefs do I have about that behavior?
What assumptions am I making?
Am I taking it personally?
Then take a moment to put yourself in their shoes and empathize. This doesn’t mean sympathize and make excuses; it means to understand their view and feelings. This allows you to respond (not react) in a way that they can relate to.
If people have to tiptoe around you and can’t tell what mood you’re in from one day to the next, don’t expect them to stick around for the long haul. Most won't hesitate to look for another opportunity where they won't have to deal with outbursts and instability.
Remember, a reactive leader makes a snap judgment, whereas a responsive leader considers the whole picture because he cares about the development of his people. Not only does this make you easier to work for and get along with, but - bonus - you will also be more likely to inspire loyalty within your team.
One of the key issues we see in reactive leadership is that the focus is on the problem and not on what caused the problem. By looking deeper at the situation as a whole (and also at the reasons for your own behavior) we are able make adjustments to (or eliminate altogether) the underlying issues.
The next time you get frustrated, use the awareness of your emotion as an opportunity to stop, put yourself in their shoes, and choose the behavior that works best, the one that will have a positive result. You may even find this helps to motivate your team better, increase buy-in, and elevate respect. You can go from zero to hero! I told you it was worth the investment.
It will take time to change these gut reactions — you may even need to change how you think and perceive challenging situations — but if you practice self-reflection on a regular basis, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you'll begin responding the way you would prefer... and how quickly your people begin to change!
Let me know in the comments if you've struggled with reactive behavior and how you overcame it!
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